In the past months the number of colleges that have shifted from requiring some form of SAT or ACT score to be submitted has shifted, with almost 850 schools now considering these tests to be optional, rising from around 750 in 2010. Students now will have to focus on acquiring a specific GPA in order to be able to get into certain colleges, as well as taking a challenging courseload. Obviously, students, especially juniors, are very excited to focus their stress and mental breakdowns on something completely new.
“Honestly I’m glad to be able to stay up till 3 AM writing a paper now that I know it will really make a difference,’ said Benjamin Button , a current Junior. ‘I think that focusing on a whole different prep book will be pretty refreshing, especially since it costs a little bit more, and I’ll have to buy five of them.”
Even better is the idea that students who may have been bracing themselves to take the SAT or ACT for the majority of their high school career can now safely abandon and throw away all the effort they put into preparing, and then hastily overexert themselves trying to prep for a whole new kind of challenge they were previously completely unaware of.
“It’s great,” Rihanna Patirona said, a current sophomore. “Now that I know the PSAT was meaningless, and the SAT camp I attended over the summer now means next to nothing, I’m much more invigorated and excited for my future with applying to college and all. I mean, I’m nervous about GPAs and such; I’ve never really thought about how much they might matter during my application process, but I’m sure things will be okay.”
Fortunately, very few students feel that this is the perfect example of the college system taking steps to completely re-arrange the system to their own benefit with little to no regard for the millions of applicants each year.
“I really have no idea where people get those ideas,” said Isabella Madre, a mother of a current senior, “There’s nothing wrong with the way colleges do things right now, and the whole system seems to be pretty sound to me.”
Luckily the new system will be even better, allowing privileged students a distinct advantage over others who don’t have the benefits of access to AP classes or weighted GPAs.
“The reliance on simply observing a GPA with whatever the course load the student is taking should be pretty infallible,” said John Johnson the third, a spokesperson for Fernham University. “After all, it’s not like some school districts offer different classes or some kids can’t afford or are unable to take the challenging courses that are about to become necessary for their success.”
Thoughts like this leave a bright future open for a new generation free of the rigorous stress of the SAT or ACT, ready to welcome and face the completely new idea of stressing over GPAs and loading themselves down with AP courses they are definitely prepared to take, and pass.
*All quotes and people were made up for the purpose of this satire.
