Sexual harassment is basically defined as any sort of advance that is unwanted. The key word here, of course, is unwanted, and it is a constant theme in the discussion of “catcalling.”

In early November, a street harassment video surfaced and went viral after being picked up by Time Magazine. In the video, an average woman walks around New York City for ten hours and is harassed more than 100 times; she is even followed by some men. The reason this video got so much attention was that it is no anomaly; every woman has been there. It doesn’t matter if you’re conventionally beautiful or not, for some reason the mere fact that someone is a female seems to give others the idea that she is a walking target on display, readily available for comment. The video also received a lot of attention because it was resounding proof. It showed that nobody is making this up, that this really happens, and that the severity of every situation varies on an extremely wide scale.

The thing is, a benign comment like “Hello beautiful, how are you today?” might not seem like a problem—it might even come across as a compliment—but it is a problem. Shouting at someone for his or her attention and handling him or her as disposable and inanimate is the essence of the issue. Catcallers dehumanize their victims. No, calling someone beautiful is not mean or overtly crude, but it is the action itself that poses an issue; it’s the unwanted solicitation from strangers. The content of any comment is stripped, and the person being yelled at hears one thing loud and clear: “This is what I am going to say and there is nothing you can do about it.” Allow me to elaborate:

When a catcaller opens up this type of dialogue, a line is crossed. If we deem it acceptable to shout supposed “compliments” at women when they walk by– on their way to work or school– then we open a window in which other, more menacing comments start to work their way into social acceptability. Catcallers begin to get the idea that they have the privilege to say whatever they want, whenever they want, to whomever they want. A consequence of this is the erosion of safety and respect. Messages are perverted, comments are taken one step further, then another, and before you know it, someone thinks it is okay to follow you for four blocks yelling “What? Can’t take a compliment?” Believe me, it happens.

“I’ll never forget one night this summer, sitting on the Subway, having someone walk by and say ‘Are you all alone, sweetheart?’” said Jane Doe*, a senior at Oakton. She acknowledges that, objectively, nothing in that sentence was offensive. Still, the fact of the matter is that as long as our culture tolerates catcalling, it sets a precedent for a world in which a creepy old business dude thinks that it is okay to point out that a seventeen year old girl is alone and attractive, with the underlying implication that she is unable to defend herself. Nobody should ever have to feel afraid, or wonder if the person “complimenting” her is harmless or aggressive. Because, remember: these are strangers. Those being catcalled don’t know if the person coming onto them is a hopeless romantic or a registered sex offender.

“I bought pepper spray the next morning,” Doe said.

If we tolerate “nice legs” then we open up the forum to “Hey sexy, I want to BLANK your BLANK.” And if this isn’t harassment, then I honestly don’t know what is.

“I guess you could say that it’s a matter of [establishing power].” said John Smith*, a senior at Oakton High School. “[When I am catcalling] I am literally saying, ‘I am better than you, so you have to accept this compliment.’ It’s showing off the capabilities I have. I can say this and nothing is going to happen.”

Bingo.

Smith then goes on to tout the important and, in his opinion, profound differences between sexual harassment and catcalling. “It’s flirting,” Smith said. The logic of this argument, however, is deeply flawed given the fact that flirting is typically an act with more than one participant.

Trying to distinguish between catcalling and sexual harassment is like trying to explain the difference between vanilla and ice cream. No, they are not inherently identical, but vanilla is a type of ice cream, just like catcalling is definitely a form of sexual harassment. The problem is, as long as people like Smith fail to realize this, the world continues to be a runway on which we are all subject to loud, varying comments with no chance at retaliation.

It’s important to note that none of this is in the hopes of demonizing men—catcalling is an issue no matter who the perpetrator is. People of all genders, ethnicities, ages, and socio-economic statuses are guilty of this odd offense. It isn’t a matter of genders battling for supremacy. At the end of the day, it’s a matter of respect, or a lack thereof.

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Full Interview

Q: When you cat call, is there no intention of actually pursuing the girl?

A: No, not at all. Odds are there’s no chance.

Q: So why do you do it?

A: For the fun of being a guy.

Q: Do you think it has anything to do with a power structure?

A: No. If a girl [catcalled] me, I wouldn’t be offended in any way. It has nothing to do with power. I think it’s a compliment.

Q: How do you think it’s a compliment?

A: Yeah, I think it’s a compliment.

Q: What kind of cat-calls have you tried on girls?

A: Number one: dog barking (he jokes, not realizing this joke is a perfect example of everything the TIME video was working to illuminate.) I’m dead serious.

Q: Have you ever felt double standards, as a male, where you have felt sexually harassed?

A: If a girl does it to a guy, I’m just like, “awesome,” but if a guy does it to a girl it’s like a huge deal. Perfect example, if I’m out at the movies with my girlfriend, and she grabs my butt, it’s seen as a playful, naughty thing for a girl to do. If you do it to the girl, it’s, like, weird and frowned upon.

Q: Why do you think that people find cat calling offensive?

A: Because people are soft.

A (from a nearby friend): People may find it disrespectful because they don’t want to be objectified based on looks only.

Q: Do you think it objectifies people?

A: I think everything objectifies people, not just cat-calling. Guys don’t ever say, “*censored* girl, nice personality!” when they walk by.

Q: Have any of you cat called someone, and then actually had a relationship result?

A: Yes, twice. I saw a girl walking by at a street fair in Vienna, and me and a friend said, “*censored* girl you’re looking really good.” And six months later a relationship developed.

Q: Are girls who respond to cat calling by reciprocating affection good or bad in your opinion?

A: If a girl gets cat called she should take it as a compliment and then leave with it.

Q: Why do you think that guys cat call girls?

A: It’s kind of just a game. If you’re with a friend, the goal is to impress your friend. It’s definitely a competition of being a macho guy.

Q: So there’s power?

A: I guess you could say that. For example, you literally are saying “I am better than you. Accept this compliment.” That’s what I see it as. I wouldn’t say it’s as much of a matter of power or control as it is just saying that I am—hmm—showing off. It’s showing off the capabilities I have. I can say this and nothing is going to happen.

A (from a nearby friend): It’s not that you’re trying to disrespect them, like most guys aren’t trying to use cat-calling as a way to get in a relationship or get married.

Q: So then why?

A: It’s a little thing that makes the guys feel good about themselves.

Q: Do you guys have sisters?

Both: Yes

Q: I can show you some comments that we have from our test: what would you say if anyone said this to your sister?

A: Well you’re basically complimenting me. My definition of a cat call isn’t as rude as some people’s.

*describes specifics of TIME Magazine’s cat calling video*

A: see, that’s weird; I would almost not put that in cat calling as I would harassment, which is two different things.

Q: But doesn’t it kind of work as a gateway?

A: Okay, then, I think that’s when you need to know the boundaries between cat calling and harassment.

Q: Is there a difference?

A: Yeah, because cat calling is flirtatious and funny whereas harassment is harassing. There’s a difference between flirting and sexual harassment. Just like anything else, you need to know your limits. You can drink beer, you can’t drink a whole case. You can think someone’s cute, you can’t say *censored*.